Pick up a roadmap, you’re going to need it…

If I were normal I would be asleep right now. I napped a little from about midnight to about 430, but now I’m wide awake and thinking. My dad left home early today, I think he’s going hunting, and my mom and brother are fast asleep. My mom earned it for sure, she stayed up for 26 hours before falling asleep yesterday evening and my brother just finished his semester up at NSU.

Tears press at the corners of my eyes as I contemplate how good the Lord has been to me. The more I think, the more I realize that I am created for worship – that I am created for communion with the Lord Most High. I don’t know all the answers, but I know the Author of Creation. I’m sure He has the ansers I seek so earnestly. Lately I have felt the call to pray so strongly. I wake up at random hours after working all night with someone or something on my mind – and I have to pray before my body and my mind will let me sleep again. How I miss the sweet hours of prayer between midnight and six in the morning. Oh how my heart cries out for a return to the life of prayer and fasting in an environment dedicated to just that. Even though I am not in that type of environment, the Lord has blessed me with great Christian friends here in Louisiana. Friends I can go cry to, talk to, and hang out with. Friends who see me at my worst and love me like I’m at my best.

What have I done to deserve these blessings? I have no idea why the Lord would see fit to fill my heart with such desires and my life with so many blessings. I want to shout the words of the prophet who said “Woe is me, for I am a man of unclean lips,” for so I, a girl of unclean lips in an unclean world, yet loved and blessed by the Creator. Oh, my self made righteousness that is as filthy rags before the Lord is no more as he dresses me in white linen, clean and bright.

I am as the traveler in the desert, thirsty for drink of water. I seek the fount of water that never runs dry. I am as the begger, begging for my next bite. I cry out “Jesus of Nazareth, feed me, for I am faint for you.” I know He is the one source for me.

Oh, my heart’s cry is for more of the Lord. I want to know His fullness. I want to know His glory. I want to behold Him in His beauty. This cry of my heart will lead me to places I have never known. Where will this journey of the heart lead me?