Pick up a roadmap, you’re going to need it…

In my randomness post I put something down about how skirts are not useless, but table skirts are useless. This is the story behind that one.

Last night we had the Gathering - the singles’ Bible study group at church. We were all running late, including Amanda who is in charge of snacks and what not. Her official title is head of the hospitality team. We almost always have two tables in the side foyer - the sign in table and the snack table - but since we were all running late the snack table was still in the parlor.

Instead of relying on some of the guys (who had been there longer than we had) to do the job, me and Amanda decided to move everything. We each pick up an end of the table and start walking it out the parlor door. Before we had made it to the door, Amanda had already stepped on the table skirt three times. She kept saying “I telling you,skirts are useless.” All I could think is “What kind of skirt?” as I was wearing one of my long hippie skirts.

We finally get Ryan to open the doors for us and we lug this long table out the the foyer only for Amanda to step on the table skirt and drop her end of the table. It caught me so off guard that I fell on top of the table and was almost laying on it.

“See, I told you skirts are useless!”

“Which ones? Ones like I’m wearing or table skirts?”

“BOTH!”

And all I could think was “So would you like me to go take this one off? I’m sure that would go over real well.” And because of this random thought I was giggling like crazy.

Meanwhile three guys are still standing there watching us two ladies trying to move a table and not even helping.

Finally one of them did help out - he put the table skirt back on the table for us.

Table skirts are useless.

But on the other hand, my hippie skirts are useful.

Some of the random thoughts that have crossed my mind in the last 24 hours

- skirts are not useless

- table skirts are useless

- Is it so strange to have a Catholic be an active part of an Assembly of God church?

- Outback Restaurant has the best BBQ chicken sandwich

- I have some of the best friends in the world 

- Long skirts, orange shirts, and lime green shoes are an awesome combination

- Five nights off from work seems like a vacation; even if all I do is sleep, read, pray, and hang out with friends - wait that is a vacation

- It is possible to be extremely weak and extremely hyper at the same time. You should have seen me at Bible study last night

- The singles ministry is the only cell group with a live band (IHOP KC peeps, think E12 with a live band)

- Doors are significant

- There’s no place I’d rather be on a Friday night than with my friends from church

- I need to find a guitar teacher

- I am in great need of Chipotle, on a Tuesday, at 6:30 PM

- Having John Micheal at the table last night was great. He kept treating our dinner conversation like it was a group therapy session. (”And what does the group think about that?”)

- Mom is on my case about counseling again

- Did I mention I have some of the best friends in the world?

- Guarding my words is really hard to do, these are crazy times

- I completely didn’t realize that Easter is only one week away till Pastor Brian mentioned that there is no Gathering on Friday because of Holy Week

- The phrase “I’m fixin’ to” makes perfect sense to me, but it doesn’t make ANY sense whatsoever to anyone not from the South.

- Ditto for “I need to ax you…”

- I know this is a pitiful excuse for randomness, but I needed to make an attempt right now at something other than focusing on my own feelings

Does anyone know if “Beyond the Grave, class of 2000″ (original title, it should be “class of 2008″ by now) is still being performed anywhere?

 I know it came originally from Victory Fellowship in southern Louisiana, and then the script was given to Word of Life Christian Center after the Good News Shreveport/Bossier Crusade. I don’t think WOL has put it on for a few years now. I would love to get my hands on a copy of that script. It’s such a powerful evanglism tool. If you’ve never heard of it before, think “Heaven’s Gates, Hell’s Flames” meets the Columbine tragedy. It is truly a morality play for youth and young adults.

I know this is really random, especially given my entry from earlier today, but its a question that has been on my mind for a few weeks.

Hmmm…. the actress in me is itching to get out again.

Anyone who knows my testimony knows that I have come a long way in the last year or so. I have dealt with the depths of depression and many byproducts that come with it. I still feel the sting and shame from time to time about what I have done to myself in my past. I spent many years - from middle school to last year - hurting myself to make my emotions easier to handle. This stupid mentality of “if I can make the pain physical, then I can deal with it.” I also spent many years - from my sophomore year of high school to maybe a year ago - dealing with the effects of highly disordered eating. (I still see the effects of that one daily - my metabolism is screwed up for sure.)

For most of my life I have felt this pressure to be perfect. I felt the pressure to live up to other people’s expectations of me. Most of the decisions that I have made have been made through the lens of “will so-and-so approve of this?” That’s how I chose to do things, and sometimes I chose to do things simply because the people I was wanting to please would not like that decision. I think that’s how self injury (cutting, bone bashing, picking, burning, etc.) became my crutch. I could do it, they wouldn’t approve of it, I could appear to meet their expectations, but I could also have this secret world that they knew nothing of. I could have control.

 Man, it sure would have been easier if I let Jesus have it back then, but then again I see time and time again how the Lord is using my past to help other people now. So it would have been easier if I’d done it, but I thank God that He uses those shameful things of my past to bring hope to others.

It was the love of Christ shown through wonderful followers of Christ that gently prompted me to seek the Father’s heart. It was the shoulder to cry on, the testimonies of those who had struggled, and the scriptural counsel that brought me to the foot of the cross time and time again. It was the unconditional love, the acceptance of my pain, and the gentle hugs that opened my heart up to healing by the hand of God.

I get sick and tired of church circles who seem to deny that these types of things exist in the church today. I look at the church and see hurting and dying teens who are crying out “I know this man Jesus, but I don’t know how to deal with this pain. I don’t know how to bring it to Him, how to come back to Him when I fall. I don’t know what it means to know God as my Father. I’m looking for someone to show me.”

I’m not too far out of high school for the youth at my church to see me a possible friend. Two years out of college still is young to them - whereas I’m beginning to feel a little old. One thing that I have heard from several girls is this idea that the church is full of “perfect adults that can’t seem to relate to us.” Oh how this hurts me. I think the youth of today need to hear the stories of those that have come before them. If you have known Christ most of your life and by the book you seem “perfect” - please share your stories of where you struggle. If you have grown into a level of maturity with the Lord after coming to Him later in life - let them know what your journey was. If you’re like me - accepting Christ as a youth and then dealing with the deepest sin in your life afterwards only to come back to the Lord - please share. I’m not saying that you just tell everything. I’m saying use wisdom, let the youth and young adults know that no one is perfect. Let them know that we are each a part of broken humanity groaning and waiting for Heaven to come to Earth. Let them know that there is hope for the hopeless, joy for the broken hearted, healing for hurt, love for the unlovable, beauty for ashes, strength for weakness, laughter for tears, a FATHER FOR THE FATHERLESS.

It sucked. Point blank - it sucked. I don’t think I’m a good match at all for it.

Kansas City interview went awesome - I made sense, I made a good impression, I got asked to do the next phase.

This one just revealed my shakiness in going back south. I couldn’t articulate myself at all.

I think I will complete my on-line interview for DTA now and then go to sleep.

Crap it, I forgot the password doesn’t work.

I’ll email Lena and then go to sleep.

Well - it was a shot in the dark.

 Important lesson learned about leaning on my own strength instead of leaning on the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Got the go ahead to go onto the next phase of the interview process with DTA. I’ll work on that either tonight before work or tomorrow after training. (Its an online interview.)

One step closer.

 Thanks for the prayers. Please keep praying. (For me and for my family.)

 Good night, talk to you all laters.

My job interview for DTA is tomorrow morning at 11 am. That means that I will be staying up a little late to take care of it. I’m nervous and excited and internally saying “God, you are going to have to do this, I can’t. Its a shot in the dark for sure for me to do it on my own” every time I think about it.

 So, please pray wonderful blogging friends.

In other news, my little brother is dropping out of college this week. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but something really must be bothering him. Mom says his classes are going bad and he says he’s depressed. Having dealt with the depths of depression, and knowing that there is a tendency towards clinical depression in my family, I think his coming home could be a good thing.

Again, please pray for my brother. His name is Ryan, but I call him “Bud.” I love him so much, and I hate to hear that he’s gotten so down.

My family needs a touch from God. I pray for them every day. I love them more than anything - well, other than God you know.

Well, I need to get ready for work now.

Pray for me and my family, y’all. But more than praying for me, pray for my parents and Bud.

OK, so I’ve been writing a lot this weekend - forgive me if I’m overly verbose, but its helping me process a lot of information right now.

Matthew 14:31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

I’m just thinking about this situation. So the disciples head out to cross the sea to head to the next destination on their way. Its seems kind of weird - shouldn’t their leader come with them? But grumbling aside, Jesus always has his reasons, so onto the boat they go. It gets dark, the wind picks up. No worries, just a little more power to get where they are going faster. Head on under to get some rest.

I can’t help putting myself in their positions.

Wait the waves are getting bigger and the boats going too fast. It’s late and sleep pulls at the corners of our eyes. But no time for reset. It looks like this ship could go down at any time. We’re no strangers to having to do this. After all, some of us were once fishermen before we gave it all up to follow this guy.  I  don’t know what’s so special about Him. He speaks with authority surpassing the prophets of old. At His very word the lame walk and the mute speak. What is so special about Him?

No time to worry about that now. Honesty dictates that I must say I would like my job on land right about now. At least that didn’t put me in danger during the darkest hours of the night. And even though He told us to go, He didn’t come with us. He’s safe and sound on that mountain praying.

Wait! What is going on over there? It looks like someone is out there. Nah, that can’t be real. But it is real. It HIM.

Only one who is the Son of God can possibly do this. But why is He just standing there? If He can walk on water, surely He can stop this storm.

I’m hanging off the edge of the boat now. Somewhere deep inside I want to walk out there with him. But that’s dangerous and I’m not too big a fan of danger right this moment.

What is Pete thinking? He’s asking Jesus if he can come out of the boat and onto the water! That’s so stupid. Why would you put yourself in that position. Even if Jesus is the Son of God, we aren’t so we have no right to walk on water.

What!!!!!!!!! Ole Pete is walking on the water. How does he not notice the storm? Oh, I see, his eyes are on Jesus and only Jesus.

Hey Peter!

His eyes rip off of Jesus. Faster that I imagine possible he sinks. Help me he cries. And Jesus reaches out to him. Eyes full of laughter and compassion He speaks.

Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?

And I just wish that it was me that He was saying that to right now. I wish I could have gotten up the strength to step out of the boat, faced getting a little wet.

It has been awhile since I’ve written a purely random entry on here. So here goes nothing.

10 random things you probably didn’t know about me

1. I can’t sleep unless there is some light and some noise around me. That means that I often sleep with my light and/or TV and/or computer on. My mom says I owe her 23 years of utilities at $10 a month for my strange sleep patterns.

2. I collect stuffed animals. I absolutely love them. Currently they are all out in the garage in a bag. Mom isn’t too keen on having them in my new “grown up” room.

3. If I’m going to be wasteful with my money, I’m going to buy yarn.I have so much yarn right now that I’m running out of space to store it. I actually am storing yarn in my car because I’ve ran out of space in my room.

4. My mind is constantly playing a sound track based on what is going on around me. If you ever see me making this strange smile while we talk, its because I have had a new song pop in my head. Feel free to ask me which song it is, I may or may not tell you though. For instance, while talking to Deb the other day I was playing various Jason Upton songs in my head based on the scriptures we were talking about.

5. One of my biggest pet peeves is how people say my middle name.Please say it “May-gan.” It is spelled like Reagan, but with a M at the beginning. It is not “Mee-gan” or “Meg-an.”

6. When I get tired I can/will laugh uncontrollably - and that laugh is slightly reminiscent of the old Tickle Me Elmo dolls. If you ever hear me laugh like that, rest assured I will be asleep within an hour.

7. It takes up to SIX alarms to wake me up in the evenings. You read that right,  six alarms - three on my phone, two on the new alarm clock, and one on my old alarm clock. If I’m really really really tired when I go to bed I will add my other alarm clock - that brings the total up to eight.

8. When I get bored I read the Bible in Latin.In this way, e-sword is my best friend. Its the first easily accessible Latin Vulgate that I’ve been able to get my hands on ever. I took Latin in high school and ever since then I’ve had a strange affinity to the Bible in it. I just really need to work on my scantion (I think that’s how you spell it - the placement of macrons in Latin is what I’m talking about.)

9. My favorite place to pray is my car.I can drive for hours aimlessly praying and be perfectly OK with it, unfortunately my pocket book has not been able to support this habit since my parents stopped funding my checking account. Growing up can suck sometimes.

10. When I need to take a break from reality I will often escape into classic literature. Charles Dickens and Shakespeare are my favorites. Oh, I used to have passages from their books memorized. I don’t have that much memorized any more, but I do sometimes make obscure references to those two authors at strange times.

Also know that you are not a sinner struggling to love Jesus. You are a lover of Jesus who struggles with sin.
- Stephanie S. 

And that folks, is very wise advice from someone I dearly love.

And that also is advice I need to remember.

Gal 2:19-20For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.