Pick up a roadmap, you’re going to need it…

Life is moving in fast forward right now. Between licensure paperwork and trying to get moved (and write a personal scope and sequence and see all my friends and make a trip to the zoo and everything else in general) life is crazy. I quit my job yesterday and it makes me both ecstatic and sad at the same time. I hated the job (working in a cubical farm is not for me), but I loved the people I worked with on the night shift and some of the people on the days. I also went to Adam’s going away party last night.

Adam’s going away party was so bittersweet last night. I showed up after a few people had left but Jason’s house was still packed. One of my childhood best friends was there. She shines with confidence and maturity now. The party was loud and silly, filled with laughter and games. I sat back quietly and realized how much I am going to miss all these wonderful people: Brian with his habit of telling rambling stories, Erin who can make me laugh like nothing else, Stacy with her wit, Amy with her ready smile, Amanda with her greetings of “hey, pretty lady” and general all around goofiness, Jason with his love of life, Holly with her funny quotes and serious insight, Eddy with our sign language conversations, Darren with his quiet confidence and sly smile, Markus with his practical jokes, Liz with her creativity, Georgia with her beautiful singing voice lifted in worship, Chelsea with her quest for adventure, Rox with his sweet heart, and the list goes on and on. I’m sure I’ve forgotten several people too…

Life is changing for all of us it seems. So many people are leaving Shreveport. Henry left before we could all say good-bye. Adam and I leave at the same time to move to Kansas City. Amanda leaves in a couple weeks for Florida to go to grad school. Ginger is going to college soon at McNeese. Erin is wanting to move to teach in Texas. Darren is getting deployed soon. Tyrone will be moving to KC in January hopefully. And the list goes on and on - we are all trying to grow up and move into where we need to be.

It’s strange to think that I’m supposedly an adult now. In a couple weeks I will be moving out of my house, starting a job that I’m really excited about, and living with roommates. It all feels surreal. I have hoped and prayed and agonized over this for the last 6 months and its all starting to come together - little puzzle pieces falling into place. The two years of waiting for my own class will be so worth it soon. I’ll be honest though, I’m afraid that I will fail. Last time I tried to teach I failed - I have no one else to blame. I didn’t want to put the work into the job and was content to let my departmentalized teacher do most the work for me. This time I can’t do that. I’m the first person ever to hold this position. I have a lot of expectations on me and that is scary. The principal is expecting a lot from me and I am expecting a lot from myself. I know I am capable of doing this job, and doing it well, but still that cold rock of fear has settled itself in my stomach and I’m so scared. I will just have to do this one day, one moment, at a time.

Found out last night that one of the other girls I may be rooming with is also a teacher - a middle school teacher - and that excites me so much. Someone else who will be going through some of the same struggles I will go through. From what the girl I’m renting from said, this girl is excited about the prospect of having another roommate who is a teacher. I need to get back in touch with H today and verify everything for the living arraingments - the price is fair and the house looks really nice.

Sorry, this is so rambling. I just needed to get all this out where I could read it. Believe it or not, you are seeing the edited version.