Quotes from tonight’s episode of hanging out with great friends:
1. “The eighties called and they said they wanted their teacher back.” - Daniell
2. “I want to learn to drive a cow.” - Amanda
3. “This is not ‘Bumper Bovine.’” - Amanda
4. “We’re not cow tippin’ here.” - me
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Bonus coolness points to anyone who can figure out what game we were playing.
Sometime today I’m heading to Arkansas to spend the evening with one of my best friends and her son. From there it’s down to Shreveport and 4-ish days with my family before Onething!
I’m dealing with a whole myriad of emotions going home - joy, anxiety, grief, exuberance, etc. I’m so happy to be going home and seeing family. I’m totally lost as to how I feel about it being the first Christmas with out Grandpa. I keep wondering things like “Whose going to cut down the tree this year?” and “Now who’s going to bless the meal?” Those seem like such little things, but they are so ingrained into the holidays for me. (Just like Uncle Clif always handing out the gifts and a football game or hunting show being on the TV the whole time we are out at Grandma and Grandpa’s.)
Well, I have a lot planned for my week down south, so I may not post much till I’m back.
Merry Christmas, my friends!
God bless you.
I just got off the phone with a friend. As she poured her heart out to me, I just cried. I heard in her voice pain and heart ache so reminiscent of the pain that is still so fresh in my heart. I wish I wasn’t so far from her right now. I just want to wrap my arms around her and cry with her as she grieves in her own way - “laughing through the tears” as she said in our conversation.
Even with the death of Grandpa so fresh on my heart, I was glad to only hear the words “I know” come out of my mouth in regards to the people who come out of the wood works when someone is dying in the hospital. Her pain is similar to mine, but uniquely hers, and I cannot say “I know” and have that mean “I know what you’re going through” because I don’t know exactly what she is going through. As she spoke, her words almost indeterminable through her tears, I found that I was crying too. And the tears were for her pain. For her loss. For her heart break. For her unanswerable questions. For her tears.
And they were for my pain. For my loss. For my heart break. For my unanswerable questions. For my tears so recently shed these last few weeks.
And they were for every grand daughter facing the death of her strong and immortal grandpa. For their pain. For their loss. For their heartbreak. For their unanswerable questions. For their tears.
And I thank God she was able to see her grandpa, to be with him in his last hours, and that I was able to be with my grandpa his last night.
Last night I said goodbye to Hayley. She’s leaving IHOP this morning to head back home. I’m surprised how much it is bothering me. It’s not like I won’t see her in 2 weeks for Onething. We had one last hangout last night when she and her dad invited me out for dinner with them. After we hugged goodbye last night I came inside and thought about what our friendship has been these last few months.
This has been the friend that we get together and anything could happen. We may accidentally order the exact same thing at a fast food joint and laugh about it for an hour. We may go to the park and sit in a tree and sing worship songs for hours - of course that is after we have made fools of ourselves on the swings earlier in the afternoon. Our 3:45 coffee dates frequently would turn into hanging out till midnight (even if it meant I joined her for prayer sets.) She’s just a person I can be 100% “me” with.
On Saturday she and I were discussing the difference between being wanted and being needed in a friendship. Some people make you feel needed - they need you to come hang out with them, they need your help on things, they just plain need you. Some people make you feel wanted - they want to hang out, they want your advice, they want your help if you can give it to them. She’s a friend that makes me feel wanted. We wanted to hang out together, to talk on the phone together when things got tough for a few weeks, to sit in the prayer room and comfort each other in our pain, to just be friend with each other no matter what form that took. With the wanting to be friends, needs were met - the need for acceptance, the need of a shoulder to cry on in the middle of grief, the need for a break from the IHOP-bubble every once in awhile.
So yes, I will miss Hayley’s presence on the base. But maybe another intern will pop up for me to befriend. Who knows? We are definitely staying in touch. I’m planning a trip to Dallas to see her and go to 6 Flags Over Texas come spring break. She’s planning a couple long weekends up here.
I can see this friendship continuing to grow despite the distance between our homes.
So last night I got invited to go with the Onething interns out to Crown Center to go ice skating. Hayley asked me to come along after our coffee date. Instead of actually going skating, she and I walked through the mall and talked. Amazingly we also were able to just walk in silence and it be OK. I’ve really gotten to where I am comfortable with her in both talkative, silly times and sweet, quiet times. I’m truly thankful for her friendship these last three months and I can’t wait till she moves back to Kansas City. I know the next season of her life is in TX and that’s more than OK. I’m already planning a trip down come spring break and she will be back up here in a few weeks for the Onething Conference. (We are going to ditch a session or two and go hang out during the conference.)
This morning I woke up to an invitation to chat “if I felt social” and pancakes with my roommate and her boyfriend. Leah and Andrew. They are precious - so obnoxiously cute. In a good way that is. Right now they are making chili and I’m watching them while I type. Something about putting onion under someone’s pillow…
Margaret and Chelsea are just as sweet as can be - I love all three of my roommies.
Some of my friends back home are planning a trip to the tea room for the day I get back into town. Yummy… high tea and lunch…. They know what makes me happier than happy.
