Pick up a roadmap, you’re going to need it…

The night before Grandpa died I was at the hospital. It was hard. All those doctors and nurses doing what they could for him, but only succeeding in easing his pain. The oncologist that told Grandma the exact same thing the GP told her. The family that was constantly bickering outside the room but kind as could be inside that tiny hospital room. After awhile I had to go down to snack machine to get a bottle of water and some peace and quiet. The pain of seeing Grandpa down was getting to me by then.

As I walked the hall I recognized a head of waist length blond hair from down the hall. It was Danielle from my college. The girl who always could make me laugh and decided last minute to go pre-med. She took a few minutes from her rounds and walked through the hospital with me, asking what was going on and taking a real interest into the pain of my Grandpa. When I told her we were waiting for death to come she just gave me a hug and let me feel whatever I was feeling right then. (What was it? Pain? Grief? Hope? Sadness?) It was sweet how she just cared. She promised to look in on him the next morning on her rounds - he died before she got to the hospital to make them.

It was such a sweet thing, for this med student to take time for the family of a patient not even hers. I’m sure friendship was involved, but knowing her I would think she would do the same thing for anyone.

Those sweet 15 minutes or so that night have made Grandpa’s death a little more bearable.

I think I should mail her a little note sometime soon just to say thanks.

… and He knows just how to remind me. And He reminds me when I need it the most.

A few nights ago I did something completely out of character. As I folded the note written on the back of a prayer guide, I breathed a prayer that the prompting inside of me was really God.

I breathed a few more hasty prayers and paced the aisles of the prayer room - a little quicker than I would usually walk and not at all in my normal pattern. Minutes felt like hours, but I finally forced myself to walk down the row of chairs and hand the makeshift package to its recipient. I just said her name and when she looked at me, I placed the note in her hands. Not waiting for a response, I walked away and leaned against the wall and waited for my racing heart to calm down. I later saw her standing and worshipping with her hands raised high, but I didn’t get to talk to her that night.

I wanted to know what was going on in her heart.

I hadn’t seen her in a few days, but was wanting to talk to her. After an amazing set in the prayer room tonight, I walked straight out in the lobby only to hear “WAIT, I have something for you!” being yelled from area of the Welcome Desk.

The person I wanted to talk to had just come in the door and was talking to a couple people. After a few minutes they walked away and we talked for a few more minutes. Before I left she pulled a note card out of her purse and pressed it into my hands. I got out to my car and felt so close to tears when I read the words she had written. With each word God reminded me that He is faithful, He does recognize when we step out in faith - even if it is a shaky faith.

With each word God reminded me that sometimes our actions are the answer to someone else’s prayers.

I found a note on the bathroom mirror this morning from my roommate. It totally has made my crummy morning so much better.

Thank you, Margaret, for making my day.

This is what it said:

Emily-

Good morning! May your day be blessed & filled with good fruit.

Keep your vision, God is taking you on a journey of hope & healing.

Margaret

Contrary to how things may appear - I am an introvert. I love being around people, but being around people drains me more than anyone could ever realize. Since December 20th I have not had an evening to myself - or much else down time. Between Christmas and Onething - it has been a long couple weeks. Unfortunately, long times of not having any down time leads to me saying/doing stupid stuff.

Case in point - talking to my roommate about something last night. I called and talked to her multiple times at Christmas and explained that we needed to ask anyone who stayed at our house to pitch in a few dollars to help pay for food and the increase in our utilities. She agreed. She didn’t mention it to anyone who she invited to stay at our house. I pitched in for a friend and her son who couldn’t afford to even leave 20 bucks for the two of them - but hey, she brought food from her supply of things she got from her food stamps so she brought and left what she could. A good friend of mine from my internship left ten bucks and only stayed two nights.  I told her about it before she stepped foot in our house.

Well, normally I would have been pretty cool about bringing this up with her, but the lack of sleep/extreme socialization/car battery going dead yesterday afternoon/etc. made me much more emotional than usual.  I asked her casually about it on the phone while she was driving back to the house - by the time she got to the house I was fuming. I was fuming and I was in tears. It wasn’t until I broke everything down and reminded her about the conversations we had last week that she apologized. It wasn’t until I told her the girl that stayed 2 nights left cash for us that she realized what was going on. It wasn’t until I broke things down to the fact that some of my bills haven’t been paid for the last couple months and that I couldn’t afford even the 10-20 dollar increase in the bills that would come this month with JUST the water bill factored into it (we pay for water every other month) PLUS my broken retainers I have to get replaced PLUS the replacing my car battery (most likely) PLUS paying the student loan that I can’t afford right now PLUS the increase in things like my cell phone bill because everyone and there mother decided to call me over the holidays PLUS the over 500 dollars of unexpected expenses I’ve had over the last couple months AND that I don’t have parents that I can just call and say “Hey, I need to borrow some cash” that I think she truly understood.

So by the end of this exchange I was in tears and definitely was not responding logically. I was upset - and feeling betrayed because I had trusted her to do something that she didn’t do that really will affect me.

I wish I could have kept my mouth closed - or at least kept my cool last night. But I didn’t and now I am hoping that this will smooth itself out.