Pick up a roadmap, you’re going to need it…

Contrary to how things may appear - I am an introvert. I love being around people, but being around people drains me more than anyone could ever realize. Since December 20th I have not had an evening to myself - or much else down time. Between Christmas and Onething - it has been a long couple weeks. Unfortunately, long times of not having any down time leads to me saying/doing stupid stuff.

Case in point - talking to my roommate about something last night. I called and talked to her multiple times at Christmas and explained that we needed to ask anyone who stayed at our house to pitch in a few dollars to help pay for food and the increase in our utilities. She agreed. She didn’t mention it to anyone who she invited to stay at our house. I pitched in for a friend and her son who couldn’t afford to even leave 20 bucks for the two of them - but hey, she brought food from her supply of things she got from her food stamps so she brought and left what she could. A good friend of mine from my internship left ten bucks and only stayed two nights.  I told her about it before she stepped foot in our house.

Well, normally I would have been pretty cool about bringing this up with her, but the lack of sleep/extreme socialization/car battery going dead yesterday afternoon/etc. made me much more emotional than usual.  I asked her casually about it on the phone while she was driving back to the house - by the time she got to the house I was fuming. I was fuming and I was in tears. It wasn’t until I broke everything down and reminded her about the conversations we had last week that she apologized. It wasn’t until I told her the girl that stayed 2 nights left cash for us that she realized what was going on. It wasn’t until I broke things down to the fact that some of my bills haven’t been paid for the last couple months and that I couldn’t afford even the 10-20 dollar increase in the bills that would come this month with JUST the water bill factored into it (we pay for water every other month) PLUS my broken retainers I have to get replaced PLUS the replacing my car battery (most likely) PLUS paying the student loan that I can’t afford right now PLUS the increase in things like my cell phone bill because everyone and there mother decided to call me over the holidays PLUS the over 500 dollars of unexpected expenses I’ve had over the last couple months AND that I don’t have parents that I can just call and say “Hey, I need to borrow some cash” that I think she truly understood.

So by the end of this exchange I was in tears and definitely was not responding logically. I was upset - and feeling betrayed because I had trusted her to do something that she didn’t do that really will affect me.

I wish I could have kept my mouth closed - or at least kept my cool last night. But I didn’t and now I am hoping that this will smooth itself out.