*****Please bear with this till the end. A lot has been going on in the personal arena so I haven’t written in ages. If I don’t have something good - or at least focusing on God - to say, then I prefer to say nothing at all. This is an excerpt from my journal tonight as I prayed and asked the Lord for wisdom.*****
I can look at this situation I’m in and see the bad or I can see the good. Jesus told us in Matthew 5 “Blessed are you when theyrevile you and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you….” and somewhere else he tells us to pray for and bless those who hurt us.
Persecution hurts. I hate to say it, but I expect persecution - even being walked all over - from those outside the church. Its a real (proverbial) slap in the face when persecution comes from withing the church. If one instance of persecution inside the church is a slap, then I feel like I’m beat black and blue. I’ve turned the other cheek so many times I’ve got broken teeth.
But yet my heart brims with love for this person. I am angry to be sure. I want to strike back at them. I want to scream and tear into them, but I’m chosing to bless. I know its done roboticly right now, but I know it will come from the heart as I trust God and pray for God’s grace to fall on them.
I don’t have it in me to be negative. I have bigger battles to fight. I have better things to do than to slander another Christian. I can’t even understand why this is happening, but I can trust God will bring this to be for me good.
I’m sitting here, looking at my dirty house and feeling kind of let down emotionally. Liz was in town from Shreveport for a few days and left really early this morning. I loved being around her. We just hung out, went out to Westport, ate dinner with a bunch of my friends (twice), went to the prayer room, drank coffee, etc. for three days. It just felt so good to hang out with her for awhile. The highlight of the whole weekend was when she borrowed Amanda’s keyboard and played “Champion,” a worship song by a girl named Lindi at her church. I hope she can come back down here on her way home from Chicago.
Friendship is an amazing thing. How you can not see each other for months and pick right back up where you left off. It just feels so good - and it is so hard when that person leaves again.
I’m not usually homesick for Louisiana. In fact, I feel that Kansas City is home more than “home” is. I just get really homesick for the people. I love my friends and family. I hate my home town, most of the time.
Oh, there is so much going on in my heart right now. I want out of the emotional turmoil. Eeks…
I think its time to go think and pray.
