Pick up a roadmap, you’re going to need it…

I have been quiet lately on line – the computer is DEAD and I have to use the computer at the coffee shop or my roommates to get on line.

That being said, life is good-ish.

God is doing so much in my heart. The deep well of pain that I have kept hidden for so long is coming to light. I have been provided a great mentor to walk through all this with me. In fact I wrote in my journal a few weeks ago several painful things that I wasn’t even aware was in my heart. My faith is being shaken – in a good way. God is taking the false foundations that I’ve based my life on and crushing them. And in the midst of the pain of that He is replacing them with new firm foundations.

I have based my faith on the fact that God is good. That is true. But I’ve denied how mad I’ve been at Him for the things that have happened in my past – things that have made me see him as angry and permissive of sin. And now He is shaking me. I am seeing my own bareness and depravity, my own pain and sadness, my own weakness, and He is showing me His riches and goodness, His healing and joy, His strength.

So today I hold my head a little higher. I work a little harder. I laugh a little louder. I forgive a little easier. I sing a little more freely.

Oh, I’m getting rooted in the word of God. It hurts but it feels so good. It’s such a sweet pain to know my  God.

The hardest part is now I can’t sit by and passively let other people around me live in sin. Last night I got to tell someone exactly how deeply she hurt me with her actions and rebuke her – and speak truth to her. It was hard to do – to rebuke someone with so much love in my heart. When she complained I was being too stern with her I had to liken it to a parent. A parent isn’t all fun and games, they are stern from time to time, and in it all they still love their children. That’s how we are to be in the body of Christ. Stern from time to time. Stern to call people from darkness to light. Gentle to nurture them back to spiritual health once they have received correction.

Oh, its been a crazy time.