Pick up a roadmap, you’re going to need it…

I’m sitting at work and the boys are eating lunch. I cherish these little glimpses of peace in the middle of the craziness that is the school day.

Today we made pumpkin pie and now it sits on the top of the oven cooling. They are doing a course called homelife and it was one of the assignments that they could choose from to do. I chose this one for them – and I think I chose well. It was fun to get all three boys working on the project together. They had so much fun.

It’s been nice because we’ve been talking about creation in Bible lately. Today we looked at Adam and Eve getting kicked out of the garden – but I’ve regressed. They have had lots of questions about creating things and how God could have thought “it was good.”

So we mix all the ingredients, avoid a few blow ups, and eventually pulled the pie out of the oven. The first words out of their mouths was “it is good.” They all had this gleam in their eyes that showed how proud they were of their work.

I think they got it – how God could be proud of what He had made.

I can’t wait to get pictures of them tasting the pie with the homemade whipped cream I made them.

I’m proud of them. Not many 6,7 and 11 year olds can say they made a pie by themselves. (Well, except for the using the oven part.)

I have been quiet lately on line – the computer is DEAD and I have to use the computer at the coffee shop or my roommates to get on line.

That being said, life is good-ish.

God is doing so much in my heart. The deep well of pain that I have kept hidden for so long is coming to light. I have been provided a great mentor to walk through all this with me. In fact I wrote in my journal a few weeks ago several painful things that I wasn’t even aware was in my heart. My faith is being shaken – in a good way. God is taking the false foundations that I’ve based my life on and crushing them. And in the midst of the pain of that He is replacing them with new firm foundations.

I have based my faith on the fact that God is good. That is true. But I’ve denied how mad I’ve been at Him for the things that have happened in my past – things that have made me see him as angry and permissive of sin. And now He is shaking me. I am seeing my own bareness and depravity, my own pain and sadness, my own weakness, and He is showing me His riches and goodness, His healing and joy, His strength.

So today I hold my head a little higher. I work a little harder. I laugh a little louder. I forgive a little easier. I sing a little more freely.

Oh, I’m getting rooted in the word of God. It hurts but it feels so good. It’s such a sweet pain to know my  God.

The hardest part is now I can’t sit by and passively let other people around me live in sin. Last night I got to tell someone exactly how deeply she hurt me with her actions and rebuke her – and speak truth to her. It was hard to do – to rebuke someone with so much love in my heart. When she complained I was being too stern with her I had to liken it to a parent. A parent isn’t all fun and games, they are stern from time to time, and in it all they still love their children. That’s how we are to be in the body of Christ. Stern from time to time. Stern to call people from darkness to light. Gentle to nurture them back to spiritual health once they have received correction.

Oh, its been a crazy time.

One of my friends is in Australia, at Hillsong. Today she sent me this video of her singing. I admit it, I cried when I heard her voice. Back when we were teenagers at good ole’ Word of Life, she was one of the worship leaders. I would constantly forget that she was younger than I because her voice always sounded older than her age. Her voice has matured greatly since then.

She’s the one on the right with the blue guitar.

Side note: I miss my friends from back home something fierce right now. I think its all the uncertainty in my life right now that is rearing its ugly head.

That’s where I’m located right now. Everything is changing. I got kicked out of the house that I’ve been living in for a year about 3 weeks ago – well, I got notice I had to move and 2 free weeks of rent. I’m moved into a townhouse with Clair and Deborah moves in soon. Allison may move into our basement. I’m still job hunting and its getting really frustrating.  We pick up our furniture from its original owners this afternoon/evening. Grrr…

I don’t know what is going on to tell the truth.

I just keep seeing God’s faithfulness. It is blowing me away. A friend loaning the things I need to finish furnishing the house, someone who listens as I cry and melt down in front of Higher Grounds, someone who comes to help me pack, someone who comes to help me unpack, people I support understanding that I really can’t support them right now because my head is barely sitting above the water – these are all examples of God’s faithfulness right now.

If I ever pass through your mind, send a little prayer off for me. I need all the prayers I can get.

So, I’m moving (not away for good ole’ KC).

I’m moving into a townhouse.

It has two stories and I think its cool.

I have to pack today and change bed rooms (the room I’m in is already rented out).

Anyone who is available to help pack books into boxes and wash clothes and move furniture, let me know.

I will pay you in food.

I just can’t leave this job gracefully – without tears.

This has been my life for 9 months.

I feel a little lost.

Thank goodness God has got this in control.

I don’t know what I would do without that  comfort.

I’ve been waiting for the shower for almost 2 hours now. How is someone supposed to get ready and get their day going without a shower? It’s not like I don’t have to go to work this afternoon – or even need to go grocery shopping…

It was said 45 minutes ago that I could have the bathroom “in a few minutes” – I’ll believe it when I see it.

So last night I got invited to go with the Onething interns out to Crown Center to go ice skating. Hayley asked me to come along after our coffee date. Instead of actually going skating, she and I walked through the mall and talked. Amazingly we also were able to just walk in silence and it be OK. I’ve really gotten to where I am comfortable with her in both talkative, silly times and sweet, quiet times. I’m truly thankful for her friendship these last three months and I can’t wait till she moves back to Kansas City. I know the next season of her life is in TX and that’s more than OK. I’m already planning a trip down come spring break and she will be back up here in a few weeks for the Onething Conference. (We are going to ditch a session or two and go hang out during the conference.)

This morning I woke up to an invitation to chat “if I felt social” and pancakes with my roommate and her boyfriend. Leah and Andrew. They are precious – so obnoxiously cute. In a good way that is. Right now they are making chili and I’m watching them while I type.  Something about putting onion under someone’s pillow…

Margaret and Chelsea are just as sweet as can be – I love all three of my roommies.

Some of my friends back home are planning a trip to the tea room for the day I get back into town. Yummy… high tea and lunch…. They know what makes me happier than happy.

Life is crazy. I started teaching Monday and I’m still frantically trying to do all the things that  should have been done this summer but didn’t get done because the school was under construction. I love my students and am constantly amazed in how they change my life. My respect for the Hispanic community and the Catholic church here in Kansas City has sky rocketed. I work with amazing men and women who consider teaching a blessing rather than something that must be done. A million times a day the words “work in progress” are said in reference to some aspect of school. My principal broke her foot coming out of the chapel last week but is still climbing all the stairs in the school multiple times a day to check in on everyone. In addition to my 17 class sessions I have picked up 2 extra “Power Hour” classes.” I’m stretched thin and ready for the weekend – and more thankful for my roommates than ever this week.

Here are a few quotes from last nights house dinner:
“True confessions of a land lord.” – Margaret
“One more noodle.” – Chelsea
“Margaret, where are you? We’re eating without you. I’m trying to keep Chelsea from eating your food.” – me
“I almost feel guilty not having a crazy schedule.” – Leah

And one quote from the other evening:
“I laugh at the Sermon on the Mount – hahaha – wash your own dishes.” – Margaret