Filed under: IHOP, changes, life, nightwatch, prayer room, things of the heart
For the first time in almost two years I have packed my “Prayer Room Bag.” Its a backpack I bought the first week of Fire in the Night to carry things to and from the Prayer Room. It’s just part of me in that room.
I’ve packed my Bible, a note pad, pens, drawing pad, charcoals and pastels and calligraphy pens.
It feels so good to be going back to Nightwatch – even if it is a modified schedule and only for a few weeks.
I miss the nights so much. I think the transition may be hard on my body, but it will be worth it.
It feels good to be using the Prayer Room Bag instead of a purse right now…
OK, time to nap so this transition isn’t too rough on my body. 
Filed under: Uncategorized
I just can’t leave this job gracefully – without tears.
This has been my life for 9 months.
I feel a little lost.
Thank goodness God has got this in control.
I don’t know what I would do without that comfort.
Recently I sometimes feel that I have a fifth roommate – Christine has been spending so much time over at our house that it is crazy. Actually, it’s kinda nice. I enjoy having her around. I laugh (A LOT) with her around. Even with her eccentric appearance, I see a beautiful woman firmly rooted in God’s word. I sometimes feel she can see deeper into me than I even see – I find myself averting my eyes sometimes from her when she looks in my eyes for a long period of time. I don’t know what I’m afraid she’ll see in there. She’s already heard a lot of the crap that’s going on in there. I’m not even going to go into how she has blessed me with prayer and love…
Last night I came home from Pure Heart only to find Christine on the couch in the exact same position she was in when I left – minus her new dance shoes. This was after I’d been gone for over 3 hours.
When I woke up this morning she was asleep in another roommate’s room.
Hehehe… I like having her around. This “honorary roommate” thing is pretty cool.
Filed under: changes, friends, life, prayer, random, things of the heart, work
I love people who are called to the lifestyle of an intercessory missionary. I need those people in my life. I need the people who sit in the prayer room and focus all their heart and energy on the Lord. I need to know that throughout the day someone is praying for me off and on. I need to know that I can bring my prayer requests to them and they will pray. I love knowing that through the night I have friends who lift my up in prayer by name and then ask me the next day what’s going on in my heart.
I need the intercessors in my life.
Something that has really been a struggle to me is finding my place at IHOP lately. I know that what I do – this working and supporting the intercessors – is important. I know this. I just don’t know where I fit in socially. I just have such a different world view (not better, not worse, just different) than the people who spend their lives in the prayer room. Sometimes its hard for me to relate to them.
But I need them, I need these people, these gifts from God in my life.
It amazed me last night as a new friend told me that she is amazed by people who find the thought of a career to be exciting – a call from God. All she has vision for is full time ministry. I think it was one of the first times that I spoke to someone on the base that truly could express their gratitude for those who support them – who didn’t give off any vibes of “I’m better than you” – and were truly humble about their calling.
I, on the other hand, can’t imagine a life of full time ministry that is not in the workforce. I can’t imagine a life outside the bubble of (pretty?) Christianity. Quite frankly, that’s boring to me. The sheer idea is boring. I wouldn’t mind teaching for the rest of my life in a Christian school or something like that, but I just can’t see myself not working.
And there are those of you who God calls to the mission field of prayer.
Oh, I need the intercessors. Each of us Martha type people need a Mary. It balances each other out, it creates a wonderful diversity within the body of the church.
Jenn S. asked an interesting question about finances over on her wordpress. I responded to her entry in a comment, got asked to comment back and realized I was writing a book. Here is my answer to her question for insight on my comment. (Wow, if that didn’t make you dizzy, I don’t know what will.)
I came to IHOP as a working person. My heart is tied to the prayer room and the community of believers here, but my heart would not be happy if I were to spend all my days in the prayer room. (In no way am I knocking people who do just that, I’m just stating the condition of my heart as previously stated here.) I love to work and I spend most of the hours of my life doing so, but I also take responsibility for my spiritual well being by being in the word, spending long-ish periods of time in prayer, fasting, and being in fellowship with like minded believers. I am tied so closely with the prayer movement – I’m just one of those people who know that in the deepest parts of my spiritual DNA that I was created to work on the mission field called life.
So on the money issue these are my thoughts:
I’m paying off a car and college loans; keeping my insurance up to date; and keeping a roof over my head. Oh yeah, gas is getting more and more expensive each month.
I don’t really have a family structure that I can call and say “Hey, the rent is due in a week and I just don’t have the money to pay it all, can you help?” Not that my folks wouldn’t help if they could, but its just not feasible for them. The weight of this responsibility falls on me. I am constantly asking God for wisdom in how to handle money. There hasn’t been one time yet that a bill hasn’t been paid – oh, its come close, but it hasn’t happened yet.
Add to that the fact that when I moved up here it was with a desire in my heart to support a certain number of people for a certain amount a month. When I haven’t done just that, God has gone to extreme measures to get my attention.
I wonder if it would be possible to do this without prayer and divine guidance.
No, it wouldn’t be possible.
I knew when I moved back that I would not be full time in the prayer room. I knew that I would work – and work hard. Money is important to me in the sense that I have to steward it well. I am no good to the people I support if I can’t care for myself. Realistically I have to plan my budget each month around what I KNOW I will have that month. Sometimes I get a little bit extra – great, that can be extra money to support people or even have a fun night out – but that isn’t a guaranteed thing each month.
In stewarding my money, first comes my commitments to God. That means that the first things out of my paycheck each month are my tithes, offerings and support checks. After that comes the fixed expenses (rent, utilities, money for gas and food, etc.) Then out comes my savings money. It’s not much, but 25 or 50 dollars a pay check adds up to a few hundred bucks a year.
The people I support are covered in prayer – if I can’t consistently pray for them, then I don’t’ support them – I ask that each person lets me know at least once a month how I can specifically be praying for them. I pray for a stronger support base or for the family member they are concerned about, or maybe they just ask me to pray the apostolic prayers for them. As I cover them in prayer the Lord leads me in any “extra” support money to send them. I’ve been surprised when the Lord tells me a certain amount to give, I panic because I don’t have that amount, the extra money comes in and then I give only to find out that that was the exact amount they needed that month. I also am sure to tell the people that I support that if they have an unexpected expense come up that they can always call and let me know. I may not be able to pay for the full amount, but if my NEEDS are met then I will do all I can to help with their needs.
My needs are their support money, the roof over my head, food on my table (for me and for others) and my bills paid. Beyond that the gas money can be stretched, coffee can be skipped, social events can be free or cheap instead of dinners out.
To do this I have two checking accounts that are linked so I can transfer money as needed. One is my spending account and the other is my savings account. The bulk of my expenses obviously comes from my spending account, but occasionally I have to spend some money from the other account. I won’t let my savings account drop below a certain level – the cost of premiums on my insurance and money for rent for one month. This way, if anything happens and my income goes down, I don’t have to panic about paying that deductible on my car if I get in an accident or paying that unexpected month of rent. I know big purchases come up from time to time – furniture, trips, new clothes (yes that one tends to be a big purchase for me) – I try to plan in advance for them and save. An extra 10 or 20 bucks in savings makes a huge difference when you want to go to a concert or something with friends.
I plan things like “fun money” or “time with friends money” into my budget. I may not always use all of it, but I put it in there. Plus if I don’t use it during one pay period – that means I have more to work with later. If I can do anything to help my friend, my comrade, out – that comes first before my fun. How can I have fun if I know I can help another and don’t do it? We are the family of God. We are to care for each other the best we can – be it finances or time, our gifts to each other are invaluable.
Living simply is so different for each person. For me I can define living simply by saying that I have everything I need and some of what I want. It isn’t depriving myself of the joy of extras, it is making sure the basics are there and what comes after those is up to the Lord. I love a good cup of coffee or a dinner out as much as the next person, but I also know that in order to pay my debts I must avoid doing those things to excess. A homemade dinner in can be more fun than going out. But maybe, just maybe, He has something different for my finances.
More than anything, when I make choices with finances, I cover those choices with prayer. In the natural my check book has never truly balanced out. But as I put God first, the finances fall in line. He gives such grace. He strengthens my faith by proving ever faithful. He gives me hope by promising that his righteous ones will never be found begging bread. He makes me smile as I watch the money come in super-naturally.
Filed under: changes, friends, life, prayer, random, things of the heart, work, worship
In the natural I know I should be very anxious right now. I don’t know where I’ll be working come this summer (only 2 and a half weeks away) or this next school year. I have a new friend who is looking up to me spiritually and I’ve taken on the job of teaching her some methods to make her time in the prayer room the most fruitful thing she can accomplish. I got a new roommate for my birthday – she is amazingly fun and all around amazing.
But. I’m. Not. Freaking. Out.
A few months ago – all of this at once would have had me really freaking out. Right now I’m just at the point tha tGod is the one who is going to do this for me. He is my source and strength. I keep finding myself repeating the same short prayers over and over.
“God, give me wisdom.”
“Lord, be my strength.”
“I can’t do this without you, Jesus.”
“God, I love you – show me how you love me.”
None of these prayers are very eloquent or very convincing in the natural. Oh but the cry of my heart is to know the Lord and to walk out his will.
I am weak.
I am tired.
But I have a God who fights for me, who dreams of me, who loves me.
So, for now I pray. I love. I teach. I give. I chose to be weak – I choose to be voluntarily weak and embrace the lifestyle Jesus taught on in the sermon on the mount. And for the first time in a long time – I’m enjoying this lifestyle. Its amazingly fun.
Each day is a day to savor and rejoice in.
Life with all its struggles and darkness is beautiful when put in the hands of the master potter.
This week I have been on two job interviews, had a new roommate move into my old room, had my birthday party, hunted down a set of mattresses for my new roommate, had my actual birthday day, stayed up till 1 in the morning on a work night – yes, it has been a long weekend. I covet your prayers right now. I’m being stretched further than I ever thought imaginable right now. Its highly stressful, but amazing. I can’t believe how God chooses to use weak human vessels.
I don’t feel like writing more because I have no energy because I was up so late last night, so I won’t.
God bless
Filed under: IHOP, changes, friends, job hunt, life, random, roommates, teaching, work
I’m now solisiting prayers for all of us at my school who didn’t receive contracts for/aren’t returning next year: Elisha, Tim, Lauren, Sue, and me.
I love the prayer room more than ever right now.
My birthday is in 19 days.
I’m feeling all nervous about both my current roommates moving out next month – three new roommates for me come summer.
I enjoy scrubbing walls when I need to work off steam.
Leaning into God sounds so romantic when you hear it/see it on paper, but in reality it is a gut wrenchingly painful thing to do when you have no choice but to lean.
In the last 48 hours I have seen an almost conga line in the prayer room, seen a group of OTI interns doing the wave to a Cory set, and have gotten a “surprise, fly by, group hug in the lobby.
I watched one roommie fall and twist her ankle yesterday coming out the door of our house – I think my heart stopped for a moment when it happened.
I have amazing friends who expect me to be in the prayer room when I want to be there the least and need to be there the most.
Two years ago today I arrived at IHOP. I was two hours late and very tired from the road. I met my roommates. Ate good food. And survived my first night on NightWatch. After three months I went home for about 15 months and now I’m back again.
This has been amazing. The last several months have cemented in me that this is my new home. This is where I belong for now. This is my family of sorts. I belong here.
I’ve changed a lot in two years. I’ve grown up, began acting more my age, and took on responsibility for myself.
Yes, it has been good.
God is so faithful. He never fails and he is teaching me that in new ways every single day.
Filed under: life
The title sums it up. I’m ready to go home to Kansas City. I’ve felt so out of sorts being back in Louisiana. I’ve felt listless, bored, purposeless. I’ve lost my routine and I splatted off my diet like crazy. I’m ready to get back to KC, hang out with my friends and roomies, get back to work, etc.
I don’t think my next trip back will consist of a whole week of being in Louisiana. 3-4 days is more than enough for me.
